Silly Instructions

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible:

Do not use while sleeping – on Sears hair dryer.
Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!

You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside – on a bag of Fritos.
The shoplifter special!

Directions: Use like regular soap – on a bar of Dial soap.
And that would be how?

Serving suggestion: Defrost – on some Swann frozen dinners.
But it's just a suggestion!

Fits one head – on a hotel provided shower cap in a box.
The big one or the little one?

Do not turn upside down – on the bottom of Tesco's Tiramisu dessert box.
Too late! You lose!

Product will be hot after heating – on Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding.
Are you sure??? Let's experiment.

Do not iron clothes on body – on packaging for a Rowenta iron.
But wouldn't that save more time? Whose body?

Do not drive car or operate machinery – on Boot's Children's cough medicine.
We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.

Warning: may cause drowsiness – on Nytol sleep aid.
One would hope!

Warning keep out of children – on a Korean kitchen knife.
Or pets! What's for dinner?

For indoor or outdoor use only – on a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights.
As opposed to use in outer space.

Not to be used for the other use – on a Japanese food processor.
Now I'm curious.

Warning: contains nuts – on Sainsbury's peanuts.
But no peas?

Instructions: open packet, eat nuts – on an American Airlines packet of nuts.
Have a lobotomy

Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals – on a Swedish chainsaw
What is this, a home castration kit?

Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly – on a child's Superman costume.
That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!